So as most of you know, I have a girlfriend who is real and a real lady. No she is not a golden retriever or an inanimate object. So I haven’t been posting to my site as much, because girlfriend. And time + gf = rift in space/time continuum. Back to the reviews,
Sawasdee Thai Cuisine
- 1 star ~ disgusting
- Location: 5601 E Virginia Beach Blvd
Norfolk, VA 23502
- Ordered via Postmates
This place sucks. Avoid. I ordered a dish called “green curry.” There was also a “red curry” and “brown curry.” That should have been the first warning: Do the chefs need to color code their food to know what they are making? The “green curry” should have had chicken, bell peppers, onions, and coconut juice. Sounds yummy. Instead it smelled like fishes mating. How in the fck does chicken smell like fish? It tasted awful. It looked even worse. I’ve never seen such an effervescent green dish before. I’m wondering if they used green food coloring or paint or glo-sticks. I can safely say, I’ve never tasted such a disgusting dish at a restaurant before. But wait, there’s more unfortunately. My gf, who is real, ordered a mushroom soup. It was also horrific. It had some mushrooms haphazardly chopped in half lifelessly floating in the toxic vinegar soup. Groce!
In conclusion, if that’s what Thai food tastes like, well fck me that’s disgusting.
Bucketheads Beach Grill
- 4 stars ~ yumm
- Location: 3657 Shore Dr
Virginia Beach, VA 23455
- Ordered via groupon
Due to me being so romantic, I asked said real girlfriend to go out to some place on groupon and she said yes. So we went to Bucketsheads Beach grill near ocean view beach. The place looks like a typical bar: it has the patio dining, large bar area, barmaid, but unusually, the crowd during lunchtime was older and business-like. We sat near the window and ordered a caesar salad, fries, and a fish sandwich. The girlfriend paid for the groupon! (wow! such surprise!) The girlfriend loved the fish sandwich so much that I started getting jealous: “omg the batter is sooo crispy omgz! And the fries are soo crunchy! omg this is sooo goodd” … … Et tu caesar salad! The waitress was helpful and friendly. The real girlfriend and I frolicked on the beach afterwards which was tres romantique. I also found a conch and she almost got stung by a stalker wasp. Needless to say, I leveled up my boyfriend stats that day.
Mona Lisa Restaurant & Bar
- 2.5 stars~ bar food
- Location: 33574 N Military Hwy
Norfolk, VA 23518
- Ordered via groupon
Me: “hey real girlfriend, wanna go someplace special to eat?
Real gf: “yes of course, I’m a princess”
Me: “ok, theres this fine italian restaurant we should try”
Real gf: “omg yasss, should I dress up??”
When we drove by, I could hear her heart drop. She said something about “being a bad area.” #girlfriends. We park and stroll up to the bar; the chef is wearing a stained white apron, smoking out front.
After we sit at a table next to the door, a heavy heavily tatted barmaid greets us and asks for drinks. Girlfriend orders chicken alfredo; I get a veggie sub. The chicken alfredo is a chicken breast cut lengthwise plopped on a heap of alfredo; my veggie sub is a mayonnaise sandwich with vegetable toppings. Overall, not too bad. The girlfriend was quiet during the drive back home.