my gf and the minty shit plant

“hey leigh, does this smell like shit to you?!” I ask my gf incredulously.

gf: *sticks nose into flower pot*

gf: *…*

And thats the moment I realized I wanted to marry…jk, realized my gf is a trooper. And that our flower pot smells like shit.

It all started off with my gf and her obsession with pots. An empty pot and many hours of recreational boredom later, my gf decided that she was going to fill up the flower pots with coffee grounds: she read it online. To seal the deal, she bought mint, cilantro and basil plants and I planted them in one of the pots filled with coffee grounds.

One day, I noticed the pot on the deck was filled with water so I cut a hole in the bottom to drain it. As I poked a hole in the bottom of the flower pot, I was greeted by an aroma of fermentimg shit. Let me try to clarify the aroma: revolting, shocking, disturbing, indecent, inhuman. I’m not sure what used coffee grounds do when they sit in the sunlight but it is reprehensible. As the putrid black liquid started to drain from the pot onto our deck and then drip down to our 1st floor neighbor, the stench took on extra dimensions forcing us to close our windows: Our shit plant was shitting everywhere.

Fortunately, our neighbor downstairs is kind of a jerk so I didnt feel bad that their apartment reeked of shit. Alhough we couldn’t use the basil or mint from the shit plant, or could we?, the shit plant had other benefits: the pothead middle schoolers stopped sitting/blocking in our staircase; the wasps abandoned building their nests in our deck; and it sure seems like even the roaches stayed away.

In conclusion, sometimes things that seem fresh and smell nice like mint and basil are actually full of shit and can be used to scare away annoying neighbors or wildlife.