Princess Leia

My ex moved in. Finally, I get to creepily observe her. At first, I thought I’d write a humorous post about how she seems to hate paper products: She goes through 4 toilet paper rolls/day, 1.5 paper towel rolls/day, entire forest of weed every other day. But behind the humor, there’s frequently something tragic.

Princess Leia can barely function without weed. Every facet of her life is negatively influenced by her weed addiction: her finances, her friendships, her family, and most importantly her health. So this morning, I told her that I’m concerned about her and that I thought she needs to quit weed. She is prioritizing weed over her health which is a glaring sign that she is not a functioning addict. Specifically, she doesn’t buy food and seems to live off of sugary chocolate and coffee. That may describe most millenials. But I have to try to help Princess Leia.

So we came up with a plan. Step 1: She quits. She says she will get rid of all her smoking paraphernelia and commit to eating healthy food, exercising three times a week, and finding hobbies/friends to keep her mind off of weed.

She just texted me to tell me it’s Ash Wednesday, which is interesting since this marks the beginning of Jesus’s month of temptation by evil in the desert. And for many Catholics, a month of fasting and repentance. I hope she stays strong.

And perhaps for me as well, this is also a test. She’s pretty, attractive and she is kind of good at cooking. Would most guys try to hit on her? Survey says fuck yes. Will I? No. She needs a friend and I think this is my opportunity to be a force of good rather than contribute to the cesspool of shitty millenials.