by Otis Kline
So I found a site to download free books in kindle format called epubbooks.com. However, if this book is any indication of the quality of the literature, then that probably is the reason why these books are free, since “The Swordsman of Mars” is pretty bad; Bad in the sense it isn’t sci-fi and has a storyline that reads like a spider web chart.
So lets begin. The story starts off with the main character, Harry Thorne, a 20th century suicidal man, who just overdosed on sleeping pills talking to an “aquiline” Doctor Morgan, who has just rescued him from dying in his sleep in a tawdry hotel by bringing him to the hospital to treat the overdose. Naturally, Thorne asks why. This is where the story begins to read like a spider web chart, which the author has to somehow connect the dots. The reason for rescuing Thorne, according to the Doctor Morgan, was so that Thorne can be telekinetically transferred into the body of a martian to fight an evil Frank Boyd, another earth-person who “telekinetically” transferred into the body of a Martian named “Sel Han,” who is about to destroy martian civilization.
Right. Does sci-fi have to make sense? no. But it should be believable. Anywho, Thorne automagically transfers himself thousands of miles away into the martian body of a martian named “Sheb Shekkor,” who evidently, is part of a martian civilization that is equivalent to the technical prowess of our 18th century as in, spears, riding animals like horses with wings, and of course swords.
It’s saturday night, so at this point, I’m thinking fck it, lets see how this plays out. Needless to say, Thorne meets a martian princess (Neva) who happens to be a curvy, beautiful blonde, who betrays him, but actually saves his life, and they live happily ever after. I’m not joking. That really is what happens. Not very believable because everyone knows that beautiful blonde was probably busy snapchatting and fb messaging tons of other martian dudes. lol too much real life.
The plot alternates between Thorne doing retarded things for Neva, the beautiful blonde princess he loses his shit over, to trying to save the martians from the evil “Sel Han,” to trying to find his other side chick named Thaine, who lives in the swamp. Then add weird royalty titles to every main character so that each one is a Prince or Dutchess or King or in this book a “Vil” because why not? Everything’s better with royal titles. (Maybe I should become a “Count.” Count Tommy)
Here are some memorable quotes:
Not until both officers had gone out did Thorne steal a glance at the girl (Neva) he was to guard. He was unable to suppress a gasp. Her eyes, languorous beneath the fringed curtains of their sleepy lids, were liquid pools of lapis lazuli. Her small nose was a most exquisitely chiseled bit of sculpture. And her hair was spun gold and sunbeams.my man Thorne losing his shit over a heartless princess
“Why then, perhaps I can make you forget this Neva.”…”Why don’t you kiss me?” she pouted.
Fiercely he bent down–crushed those warm red lips against his own.
Then, with a little frightened gasp she broke from his embrace–her lips quivered ever so slightly as she handed him his cup.”
“Why, Thaine, whats wrong?” he asked.
“I-I didn’t know it would be like that,” she quavered.
“You don’t really love me, then?”
“I wish I really knew.”I should file a copyright claim since thats the story of me and my ex lol
“That he could have betrayed us? Why not? It seems to run in the family.”
She [Neva, that beautiful blonde martian Thorne loves] went pale at this, then looked up at him with flashing eyes…”some day you will regret those words. There are certain things of which you are ignorant, which I hoped you would eventually come to understand. But now-now I don’t care.”ugh romance books
Amazon reviewers gave this book 4.3/5, again confirming what I already knew: amazon reviews are fake or the reviewers are paid actors.
I think I could write a python program that could write a romance novel story line that’d get 4/5 stars on amazon:
In conclusion, if you love romance (or want to increase your estrogen levels), then this will probably be the best thing you’ve read this year. However, spider web charts aren’t necessarily the best reads imo, but certainly, it was better than watching videos of people dropping rocks from high places on youtube.